THOSE DAMN TREES ARE BLOCKING THE WIND GENERATORS
|
By: WELBORN PANGOLIN
|
November 19, 2019
|
Wind Energy Converters are an absolute good. There can be no other. Except Geothermal (does that count as drilling?) ENOUGH WITH THE QUESTIONS! Where was I? Oh, yeah. WEC's, as we call them whilst sipping flat whites, are an absolute good. There can be no other. Does your city include wind energy in its portfolio? It should. Let's discuss how easy it is. Really, it's just a few simple steps:
1. You need some space. Find a spot away from town, preferably a pristine environment without a lot of homes or farmland. Such land is way cheaper to buy, and you'll be needing that money for this project. Land with homes and farms should only be taken from people as a last resort, or for a municipal parking garage that never gets finished. In any case, it's just a lot of hassle. Much easier to break new ground.
2. Clear cut the fuck out of it. You think building a generator can be done by barefoot druids? This isn't Stonehenge, you fascist! We'll be needing hundreds of heavy trucks and some big ass cranes to erect these jolly green giants and we can't be getting all of those bogged down in the wetlands or tangled up in the trees. They're expensive! (the equipment, not the trees).
3. Roads, roads, and more roads. Every single generator in your wind farm will require routine maintenance, and that means a smelly Trump supporter with a truck full of wrenches or whatever will need to drive out there and keep those generators lubed up good. Sure a road is the most destructive thing you can do to an environment, interrupting overland flow of water, tearing through all the little pathways insects and rodents scamper along, removing hiding places and food sources...I could go on, but why?
4. Cook up impressive numbers. Say stuff like: "My whole community runs on wind." After all, it's true!
Nobody is really going to question if a small residential community full of retirees out in a desert with 340 days of sunshine a year, say...Palm Springs, is an appropriate model on which to base the conversion of the entire industrial grid in the Rust Belt. How would you even do that? Math? Math is hard. Don't be that guy.
5. Congratulations. You're pretty much there. You've scorched earth your way through 1000 acres and have a beautiful collection of wind-augmented electric generators with a big friction driven monstrous appetite for lubricants and replacement parts. Enjoy a sensible beverage, glare at your neighbor. You're better than her!
2. Clear cut the fuck out of it. You think building a generator can be done by barefoot druids? This isn't Stonehenge, you fascist! We'll be needing hundreds of heavy trucks and some big ass cranes to erect these jolly green giants and we can't be getting all of those bogged down in the wetlands or tangled up in the trees. They're expensive! (the equipment, not the trees).
3. Roads, roads, and more roads. Every single generator in your wind farm will require routine maintenance, and that means a smelly Trump supporter with a truck full of wrenches or whatever will need to drive out there and keep those generators lubed up good. Sure a road is the most destructive thing you can do to an environment, interrupting overland flow of water, tearing through all the little pathways insects and rodents scamper along, removing hiding places and food sources...I could go on, but why?
4. Cook up impressive numbers. Say stuff like: "My whole community runs on wind." After all, it's true!
Nobody is really going to question if a small residential community full of retirees out in a desert with 340 days of sunshine a year, say...Palm Springs, is an appropriate model on which to base the conversion of the entire industrial grid in the Rust Belt. How would you even do that? Math? Math is hard. Don't be that guy.
5. Congratulations. You're pretty much there. You've scorched earth your way through 1000 acres and have a beautiful collection of wind-augmented electric generators with a big friction driven monstrous appetite for lubricants and replacement parts. Enjoy a sensible beverage, glare at your neighbor. You're better than her!
RSS Feed